Mokelumne Hill Photos

A few more artsy fartsy things...

Photo Outing Bodega

 I went out on a photo shooting day with a friend for the first time in many years. Here are a few of my images.

The first is a so-so high contrast photo and then some tweaking to give it that sunset feel, even though it was noon.

Up on the Housetop, Ukulele with Allie, Devon and Fran

Allie's music teacher, Fran Oglesby (Sonoma County Children's Music) does a thing at Border's Book once a month. She asked Allie and Devon to play the uke on a couple songs yesterday.

Video by Dennis Bolt, Devon's father. (A talented freelance artist and photographer, by the way!)

Patron of the Arts

Have you always wanted to be a patron of the arts? Have you imagined being able to support someone like Michaelangelo? But you say you are not made of money and there's no way?

I say, there is a way!

I have posted about musician and singer Victoria Vox before, but this time, you can be a part of her future, and a part of music history.

We first discovered Victoria at the Wine Country Uke Fest this fall. We were treated to her lovely, lovely voice and ukulele and a whole day of top names in the ukulele field for FREE!

We did buy one of her CD's while we were there (Victoria Vox and Her Jumping Flea), and we loved it so much I downloaded her other CD Chameleon from iTunes. It's in the car, and we listen to it on the way to school every day. Allie really loves a couple of the songs and is even thinking about performing one at her next school talent show. How's that for inspiring the youth of America?

As I stopped by her website yesterday, I saw that she was looking for sponsors to help her produce her next album. What a great idea! There are several levels of sponsorship, from just $15 (you'll get a download of the CD before it's released) to $1500 (or more) for a house concert (and a bunch of other goodies). What really sold me was the $100 level--a signed CD, a t-shirt, a postcard from the road, and the best part I think, is a listing in the "Thank You" section of the CD liner notes! Wow, that just really caught my attention! It's like the Beatles listing you on one of their albums!

So, I decided to become a sponsor and have Allie's name listed in the liner notes for posterity.

Isn't that a great idea? You could do that for a loved one for a birthday present or Christmas! (She even has a special EP Christmas album/mailable card you can buy!)

So, I want you to go right now to Victoria's website, listen to her latest album, (buy them all!), and become a patron of the arts by helping to sponsor the production of her next CD!

www.victoriavox.com

And here's a YouTube of "Beautiful Home" a new song that will be on that album. And check out her "mouth trumpet!"

New Profile Pic

I have a slightly new profile picture that I have just uploaded. I had my hair cut a little differently and I like it a lot more...I love that shirt, so that's the same. AND FYI...DD (8 years old!) took the picture!

At some point I will have to break down and go get a real portrait taken. It's just that that is so involved, all the planets have to align...getting a good haircut, having a good hair day, complexion is clear, having an open day to get into Santa Rosa, having time to actually do my hair and make-up AND drive to Santa Rosa, and making an appointment for a day that is all going to happen. How is it I see into my future again..oh yeah, I need that crystal ball....

NaNo Catch Up

I am slowly catching up with the NaNoWriMo writing. Still way behind, but making some progress. With luck, I can take a few hours this weekend and really jam on that word count. I'm making great progress on setting the scene and describing characters. Plot? There's supposed to be a plot? Oh yeah..I'll work on that! This is my NaNo picture I'm using...it's from when I was about 17...the last time I thought I'd be a writer. When I reach 50,000 words, I will update it.

Hopefully, I won't look much older! I just got a new haircut and without my mom realizing I had a new style, she said, "You look younger with your hair down." Yes! Younger is a good thing! Apparently bangs take a couple years off you!

Hijacked by a cold!

Ugh!

I am way behind on my NANo writing. I came down with a doozey of a cold on Monday, Day 2 of the NaNoWriMo, and haven't been able to write a word until today. I'm trying as hard as I can to catch up, but the cold still has a hold...and I have a conference to attend on Saturday. (I already missed one on Thursday! :()

But I'm trying...doing whatever I can....

mpp

Ready...set...go!

Even though I didn't start writing at midnight like all the other NaNoWriMo fanatics, I do have an extra hour of sleep under my belt, so hopefully I am well-rested and the quality of the writing will be stellar.

Allie had a good idea this morning – wear our glow-stick necklaces (from trick-or-treating last night) on top of our heads and we will be "Queens of Novel Writing." I think I am understanding more why this starts on November 1 – an extra hour in the month to write and a sugar buzz from all the candy on October 31!

Write-on!

Margaret

National Novel Writing Month (November!!!)

I know, I know...as if I have nothing better to do than write a novel in November. Not even an advance, just the honor of being declared a "winner" if I write 50,000 words by the end of the month! Luckily they don't read the books, just count the words, so spelling can be atrocious and typos may abound.

Hey, if you want to be a character in my book, give me a name you'd like to be and maybe what kind of person you want to be (if you don't want me lifting all your real life qualities and circumstances, that is!). And of course, I may still take a few liberties with your character...hee hee heee.

I'm not sure if I should tell you much about the story. It's not one of those "adult" books, rest assured. (You may wind up in one of those anyway, but I'm not gonna tell you until it's published...hee hee hee.)

It's really a blueprint for what I'd like to do when DH and I are "retired" that is, what kind of work we'd like to do before we are too old and tired to do much of anything.

The working title is Beadboard, Sea Glass and Driftwood and it's the first in the Trilogy Cottages Mystery Series, and the protagonist is Abigail Steele. You, my friends and family, may find her eerily familiar...

There, that's enough to keep you guessing for now....hee hee hee.

Margaret

Noses, gallbladders and ukuleles, oh my!

I've just finished my 10 days of Augmentin, and things are OK. I still get that smell in my nose very now and then, so I'm not convinced it's really gone away. I'll see how I fare this weekend and e-mail the doc on Monday if it comes back. I love being "special" but not in this way! I would much rather have something common and easily diagnosed! The intestinal blues have calmed down, thank goodness.

Russ came out of his gallbladder surgery just fine on Wednesday, and is recovering nicely. Lots of resting, sleeping, TV and testing what kinds of foods are OK right now. The surgeon wasn't convinced there was anything wrong with his gallbladder since it looked so healthy (as he removed it). This may or may not alleviate his symptoms....

We had a great time at the Ukulele Festival last weekend in St. Helena. We got to see/hear/meet the infamous (in uke circles) James Hill and the lovely Victoria Vox. I'll include a couple YouTube videos here. They are not mine and not from that day. But these are wonderful young talents.

Enjoy! (and buy some of their CDs!)

Yucky Drugs...Yucky Smell...

My doctor put me on the antibiotic Augmentin on Tuesday and warned me it could have yucky side-effects. Since I've been on antibiotics before without adverse reaction, I just hoped for the best.

Not so lucky this time. I did what she said to do and have been eating some (vegan) yogurt with live cultures, but my intestines have decided to sing the blues today. I downed another carton of raspberry coconut yogurt this morning and am again, hoping for the best. Maybe it's time to get that fiber Sassy mentioned. (Just hadn't had time since I was at a conference.)

The reason I'm taking an antibiotic is a possible sinus condition. But it really isn't presenting in a typical way. No fever. No pain. No yucky-colored discharge. What I do have is a nasty smell in my nose. It started last Monday and went away on Thursday, the day I started my trip. I was doing nasal rinses with the NeilMed squeezebottle.

This effort seemed to be working, I thought.

But on Monday morning, after being home one night, the nasty smell came back. (This is something only I can smell. I don't smell bad, nor does by breath, according to my brave DH who tested both.)

I had only missed one evening of nasal rinsing, so I started it up again and decided to see my doctor. Bad smell all day Monday, bad smell all day Tuesday. I got in to see her on Tuesday and took the first pill around 1 pm.

After describing my symptoms and the doc looking up my nose and in my ears, she announced, "Well, this one really stumps me."

So not the words I wanted to hear. This is what I wanted to hear...

"Oh, I know what this is. I've seen it several times. Here's what you do (or take) to get rid of it and this is what you do to prevent it."

Nope.

So instead, going on the assumption it's some sort of nastiness/infection in my sinuses, I am put on antibiotics. I am perfectly willing to do this because I too, am stumped.

I've tried to be very Nancy Drew about this and figure out what external thing could be causing this and eliminating things one by one. A new face cream. Sudden allergy to spinach. A scented candle in the bedroom. A new lip gloss. A scented deodorant I'd been using for weeks. I wasn't on any supplements or other drugs. On and on. It had better not be chocolate!

I'll keep you updated, and am happy to take suggestions or hear of other people's experiences. The smell really waned yesterday, but kept came back a little last night.

What does it smell like, you ask? There is nothing on this earth it smells like for me to give it a name. How I wish it smelled like maple syrup or a new puppy. It's not really a horrid smell (like dog poo or garlic breath), but it's definitely not a nice smell. It's a little sickening. And to having anything in your nose this long is just depressing and annoying. And I'm too close to menopause to have any more annoyances.

House update

Well, the flu side-lined us a bit and we didn't all the stuff we planned done! We did get the "toilet room" painted and it looks great. We started on the bathroom painting, but didn't get too far. But hey, it's a start!

I did discover Rustoleum "hammered metal" spray paint and am in love with it!. I'll post pics later of what I have painted. I started with some simple beige plastic outlet covers. This stuff its cool! Ironically, I have decided to buy (or maybe just spray these white now) white covers for the whole bathroom since white looks so nice against the "Atlantic Grey" (which is really a soft teal). But I will spray paint the brass sconces and towel bars in the room with this so it will match the light fixture--whenever we buy it! Slowly trying to change over the room (house) from brass to satin pewter fixtures.

The kitchen faucet will have to wait!

The $50,000 Sink Faucet

We just bought a faucet the other day and plan to install it next week.

We really needed to buy this when we first moved in, since the faucet has been leaking since then. (Almost 5 years ago). I bought a faucet for $119. Nothing too fancy, but not bottom of the barrel. The one I really would like is about $500.

But it kept turning into the $50,000 faucet. No, I don't have extreme tastes in kitchen hardware. It's just that our whole kitchen is a tangled web of items that need replacing.

Neighbors ended up remodeling their whole kitchen the same way--by replacing the faucet that was leaking. They found water damage behind the sink. When they were done, they had new cabinets, new countertops, new flooring, new appliances and new tiling. I don't know the total, but I'm guessing it was way more than the cost of a nice faucet. And she hates the new faucet...

Our kitchen is in the same predicament. I don't know about water damage, but I do know that our sink is also an ugly and barely functioning piece of stainless steel. I might be the only woman on the planet who doesn't like stainless steel--but I've never liked it, especially in a sink. Give me a white porcelain double sink any day. (Maybe about $500 for a decent one?)

Well, if we replace the sink, we have to do something about the tile around it since it's being held on via numerous applications of Gorilla Glue. Probably not in the Sonoma County contractor's handbook, but hey, it works. The whole counter that holds the sink is made of small tile (another very bad idea--small tile means way TOO MUCH GROUT), and the grout is so old (and missing) that the crevasses rival Yosemite Valley in terms of steepness. And deep valleys easily get blocked up with lots of sediment. Yucky.

But if I replace the sink, I would have to really replace the tile. But I hate tiny tile. So that means getting a new countertop. I'm not wild about granite, but solid surface makes sense in a kitchen. Sure, one long countertop, labor included, would be about $2-3,000--no matter what kind of solid surface you get. Maybe. But we have a huge island (that we had re-grouted when we moved in), and the other counter with the stove is in fine condition.

I also hate the island. Way too big for the kitchen, and no overhang for sitting/eating at.

I'm going to fast forward here, this is taking too long.

The island should be removed and a smaller, more functional one put in. $2,000

If we want all the surfaces to match, that means the island, the sink counter and the stove counters. $10,000 easily in materials and labor.

If we remove the island, the flooring has to be dealt with. The current tile is "Taco Bell Ugly" (I'm not kidding, we have seen this tile in Taco Bell and the restroom at Fresh Choice.) and I would prefer wood. But the kitchen floor extends into the hallway and into the front entrance. So, what $10,00 for new floors, if we are lucky? The irony here is that the tile is in perfect condition. This is strong ugly tile!

The cabinets are all scratched, badly painted and banged up from the previous owner. So, maybe $3,000 to paint really well or $8,000 to replace?

Only 3 burners on the 6-burner stovetop work. $1,000 or about $2000?

The fridge leaks, two drawers are broken and they cut into the cabinet above to push the nasty dented floor-model thing into place. (No ice machine or water--except on the floor when it leaks.) Simple two-door fridge with ice and water....$2,000-$3000.

The double in-cabinet ovens look like they are from the 1960's yet this house was built in 1989. They don't cook well, aren't vented and I am surprised they haven't caught the house on fire in the cabinet above them. (That no one can reach...) So. maybe new oven ...$1,000?

OK, so maybe this is all just $30,000...but they say you should double any estimates to get the real final cost!

What we will try really hard to do next week is SIMPLY install the $119 faucet and not go any farther.

How do you think we will do?

We've already decided to paint the cabinets ourselves....and I'm thinking I don't really need ovens for awhile, do I? So I could rip out the ovens....take out the cabinets.....hmmmm...

Our latest addition

Rigatoni Pepperoni Bologna Abalone Macaroni
Guacamole Mr. Mahony.

We call him Toni for short.

Our little Zen Chihuahua.

Outdated?

I can't stand to hear someone say "That's outdated." Or "this kitchen needs to be updated." Especially when the design they are looking at is less than 10 years old!

I love to watch shows on HGTV and see what kinds of houses people are looking at, and how they decorate a space to their own tastes.

But it frustrates me to hear couples walk through a house and comment about this and that and how outdated it is. Often, it's the kitchen or bathroom. And they say it snidely as if the yokels selling the house had no taste and should have remodeled a perfectly good kitchen and spent $100,000 on it just so they wouldn't have to be offended looking at tile counters instead of granite.

My parents never once remodeled a kitchen or a bathroom in the houses they lived in. Granted, they should have once or twice...but mostly, they used the cabinets and counters and sinks and faucets that were already in the house because they all still worked. Plain and simple. There was nothing wrong with them so they kept using them. Plain and simple.

Bad ergonomic design should be changed. Broken tiles or faucets should be replaced. Wall colors that make you want to barf should be painted over. But we shouldn't be throwing out, willy nilly, perfectly good cabinets, hardware, appliances, tiling or counters just because they hint of a previous decade.

I happen to love the colors and tile patterns found in bathrooms from the 40s and 50s. You just don't see them anymore. More than once I've seen a family rip out this incredible piece of history in a bathroom and replace it with something that WILL LOOK OUTDATED in about 2 years. (Can we say above-counter bowl sinks?)

So here's a question...when does outdated become hip retro? I'm thinking it's at least 30 years. Seems like anything 10-20 years just gets labeled outdated. If the design happens to survive a family (that would be my parents), then it suddenly becomes "in" and stylish. My parents had a rounded-top Gibson refrigerator (like the one to the left) well into the 1970's. They brought this fridge WITH THEM from at least 2 previous homes. Possibly 3 or 4, but I was too young to remember that far back. Now you can buy a fridge like this and pay A LOT OF MONEY (like $2500) for the look. Of course, I'm betting they have some modern features like ice-makers and defrosting freezers. Aw, the memories of defrosting 5 solid inches of ice in a freezer compartment that would barely keep ice cream solid!

Vetus , senior , natu maximus. (Old, older, oldest.)

How did I get to be old without ever feeling like an adult?

It seems ironic. As a kid, just about everybody is older than you. And when you are the "baby" in the family, and a "late" baby at that, all your relatives are older. Your cousins are older, heck your cousins' kids are older than you.

I am the baby in a family of three girls. My sisters are 6 years and 15 years older than me. Now I know most people who have older sisters and brothers always look up to their "big sister/brother" but mine truly were years ahead of me in everything. If your big sister or big brother is only two or three years older than you, by the time you are in your late teens or twenties, it has all evened out. You're both in college or out on your own working. The two years' age difference has essentially vanished.

But for me, my sisters were doing things I wouldn't be able to do for years or decades. Getting to stay up late, dating, wearing makeup, going to college, getting married and or having a baby. One sister got married when I was five and had a baby when I was 10. They have always seemed "grown up." I thought someday I, too would seem grown up.

My mistake.

So even though now I am 47 (three years away from 50 has got to be grown up, hasn't it?), I rarely feel like I am an adult. Yeah, intellectually I know I am. I've been driving since I was 16, voting since I was 18 and I even got married when I was 19. Truthfully, I think I felt more grown up then. But my logical brain looks back and knows I was still a kid.

So why is it that I only feel grown up when a bag-boy calls me "M'am?" Well, actually I just feel old when they do that. I felt old the day I realized that kids who could drive could be my own.

I started feeling really old when my doctors became younger than me. Aren't doctors supposed to be fat-bellied old grey-haired guys that you can't relate to? Mine always were. Then all of a sudden they are your peers, and you wonder how in the world you're going to take advice from someone who probably grew up on the Brady Bunch just like you. You know their secrets. God forbid you ever knew one of them in grade school. A man I reconnected with at my 30th high school reunion is now a cardiac specialist. (Well, I imagine he's been a cardiac specialist for a good 20 years.) I sat across from this kid in 8th grade while he burped his way through the alphabet! Am I supposed to believe he's out there saving the lives of his unsuspecting patients? Well, in fact, he did come across as a very intelligent man who cares deeply about what he does. And I think he even has trouble feeling like an adult because he admitted that his mom still calls him to ask if he's wearing a sweater. In the middle of a consult.

This whole "adult" thing is a lie our parents perpetrated on us. I wonder now if they ever felt "grown up" or they just did all those grown up things to make us feel like powerless little kids and just do what they said we should do. Like eat brussell sprouts.

I find myself occasionally realizing that to anyone under 30, (40?) I look like an "adult." There is that momentary feeling of power. I've used it sparingly. Like when some teen boys were using foul language at the park within earshot of my little girl. "Hey there are little kids here, please stop using that language," said in the most I-am-old-enough-to-be-your-mother voice and death rays piercing from my eyes. Teen boys are a little tough, but it definitely works with some of them.

So, this means I use my daughter like a shield to the world emblazoned with the crest "Ego sum a matris , proinde ego sum adultus." (Roughly translates to "I am a mother, therefore I am an adult.) And since I didn't become a mother until I was 40, I have spent many, many years, not feeling like an adult.

Inibi est forsit.

(Therein lies the problem. I am having so much fun with the online Latin translator.)

Maybe if I'd done the kid thing earlier, I would have felt like an adult sooner and gotten used to the idea. But when a little one first comes along at 40, you're already on the downhill slide to "old." And keeping up with them just exacerbates that.

Maybe I've just forgotten that at some point I felt like an adult. I already have those "senior moments" every day when I can't remember why I stepped into a room. Or a common word (like "dog" ) is on the tip of my tongue and won't come off. Or trying to write a blog when the cat distracts me and I forget the absolutely brilliant ending I just thought of.

Don't get me wrong--I know that 50 is not really "old." (Although any high school senior will tell you differently. But what do they know?) But I am feeling old. And what I feel is certainly my truth.

Two upsides to being the baby in this family:

1.) My sisters are excellent canaries in the coal mine, so to speak. (Or lab rats ahead of me in an experiment.) Since they are near-genetic copies of me, but 6 and 15 years older, I have a glimpse into my future. Much is good--they both look good and still have great skin--apparently Pearsons take a long time to wrinkle. One is vegetarian and one is not. So I even have a little barometer for how that difference is going. (I am vegan, though and my veggie sis still eats plenty of cholesteral-laden cheese!) I have a few clues about what I should or should not be doing in order to still be able to do what I want to do when I am 50+ and 60+.

2.) Since they are getting older, hopefully they will start forgetting those awful stories about me they trot out at family gatherings. Yet, my mom is 80+ and must have a real special healthy spot in her brain for storing those things. They seem to pop out now in front of my friends and neighbors. Like I said, I still don't feel like an adult.

If you believe in the theory that females are born with all their "eggs" then you must also realize that half your DNA has been walking the earth since the day your mother was born, and essentially, you are as old as your mom. My mom is 85.

I need a nap.

Boy was my face red!

Niacin flush.

How I got to be 47.5 years old without even knowing about niacin flush I will never know. So let me tell you!

I've been seeing a fitness coach in order to get my hip issue resolved. Since he also knows his stuff when it comes to nutrition, I am letting him give me some advice in that area, too. He had recommended a certain type of multivitamin which you take two times a day--it evens out how the "stuff" works in your body.

Well, I was so excited the day it arrived from iHerb.com that I took two tablets (half a day's dosage) right away. I had forgotten that earlier that morning I had taken my other vitamins, too. Now, since they are almost 2 years out of date, I figured they were at a lower potency than the label, anyway.

About an hour later, I was working at my computer when my face began to feel weird. Now, I've been having some numbness in my face (yes, I have an appointment with the doc about that this week), but it felt so much more intense than that. My skin was feeling really tight. Now, I am an avid House fan (House the TV show about the grumpy doctor who is a brilliant diagnostician when he is not overdosing on painkillers). The night before, Scleroderma came up on House. (And I have seen a made-for-TV-Move about it, too.)

For 15 seconds I was convinced I had Scleroderma.

But then, my face wasn't just tight, it was hot! I ran down to our hall mirror and saw that my whole face was beet red. (Really, though, beets are more a purple than a red. My face was been-at-the-beach-all-day-without-sunscreen red.)

Red. Hot. Tight. Oh, and now other parts of me were feeling warm, too.

Allergic reaction was my second thought. Oh, what I had I eaten differently that day? Oh, yes, I took those vitamins...hmmm...check label, maybe I'm allergic to some of the herbs used in them...hmmm....oh yeah, I am married to a pharmacist, maybe HE knows whats going on....

Yes, my own personal pharmacist reassured me that I wasn't dying. It was most likely the niacin in the vitamin that was causing this. He's seen it in a co-worker, and yes, it was no fun.

Whew! Sort of. I was still flushing, and hot. A cool compress and taking 4 baby aspirins (on the advice of the Rx) and a couple big glasses of water and I was back to normal within an hour or so.

What have I learned? I have learned I am very sensitive to some forms of niacin, even at a relatively low dose. One can work up to taking more. I am working up to taking those 4 tablets, but every now and then I still get a mini-flush which is confined to my elbows mostly.

Frankly, I think it's all a dry run for hot flashes, which I know are just around the corner...

Stinky Socks and Minty Gum

No, this isn't about my stinky socks...goodness, my feet never stink!

Somebody else had stinky socks yesterday...

This is my plea to fellow humans in the world...

If you know you are going to attend a seminar with a bunch of other folks crammed into a small, ventless room, please take a shower before you go! Or at least the day before. Or sometime during the week before...

A fellow PO (Professional Organizer) and I attended a really great seminar yesterday. It was so popular that there was a waiting list, so every single seat was taken. The morning class was fine, but some people shifted where they were sitting in the afternoon, and someone nearby was a bit ripe. (Hard to pinpoint who without actually going up to someone and doing a sniff test. OK for dogs, but I haven't seen this work without painful repercussions for humans.)

And it wasn't just that "Oh must be one of those Europeans" regular strong body odor. No it was more like stinky socks that got left in the washer and got moldy, then worn for another six days. I don't regularly carry perfume with me, but it would have been a good idea to spritz a little (on me, not them, that is). The second best solution was to chew some gum, at least filling our sinus cavities with cinnamon and mint.

Note to self: Carry gum. Lots of gum. Lots of strong, minty gum! Alas, our gum lost its flavor long before the class was over, and we were out of gum!

When Someone Else Wastes My Time

I know how to waste my time well enough, thank you. I don't need others helping me.

Most of my Saturday was spent wasted, even though I thought it was going to be a productive, enjoyable, educational day.

It started out with an early morning call with some coaching buddies of mine. That time wasn't wasted, it just started very early. I did have to leave the call earlier than usual since I had signed DH and myself up for a free class all about fruit tree pruning. We have 13 fruit trees in our back yard. Three more in the front if you count the ornamental plums which now seem to have real fruit (teeny tiny plums) by the thousands. Lining the driveway. Where we park our cars.

Anyway, we haven't had any of these trees pruned in the 4 years we've lived here. A classic case of procrastination mixed with the overwhelming cost of having that many trees professionally trimmed. (We did attempt to cut down a number of them. Once grew right back.) $500 to $1,000 can buy a lot of fruit. (By the way, please don't be alarmed to hear that we have cut down trees. We have over 30 trees on our property and a number were planted too close together or near the house. We're just trying to save the ones that can be saved!)

But in this last growing fruiting season, the big plum tree broke a number of its branches burdened with so many plums. All the trees are looking very neglected. If there was a social services for fruit trees we would have been hauled off in handcuffs long ago. We are bad tree parents.

I've tried reading about pruning. I always learn so much from reading. But you know, pruning is one of those visual things that I need to be shown. "This is a bud. This is where you cut. This is a terminal end. This is your finger. Don't cut it." Like that.

So when I saw that there was a free 2-hour fruit tree pruning demo in Santa Rosa, I thought my prayers were answered. (It was even held at a church!) I will not name the place or the teacher. He was very nice, doing this for free and was out on a very cold Saturday morning (38 degrees and quite clear) with about 50 (old and very old) gardening geeks. (Where are the young gardening geeks? Huh? Still in bed, I'm sure.) He could have been sitting in front of a warm fireplace sipping hot cocoa, cuddling with his wife with his loyal golden retriever at his feet and his children bringing him his slippers and newspaper. Oh wait, that's me.....:)

On with the story.

The setting was promising. A garden. With fruit trees. There was one right in front of me--a persimmon like I have. I was being tantalized with the thought of seeing this tree pruned right before my very eyes.

The first sign of things going wrong was when the instructor said "Before we start talking about pruning, I'd like to spend 10 minutes talking about planting a bare root fruit tree." OK, fair enough, I guess. The whole, "Let me tell you how to do it right from the very beginning" talk. Except I have no intention (in the next ten years anyway) of planting any more fruit trees! I have 13 of them for goodness sakes! I have been cutting them down! I have no room for more trees. That's like going to a class about sending your kid to college and the instructor telling you how to make a baby and raise it right so it will be smart enough to get its own scholarships instead of you having to figure out where you'll get the money to send it to Harvard. Or something like that. You get the idea.

And then 10 minutes turned into an hour. Yup, half the class was already over and we hadn't even seen one limb or branch or twig cut yet. Man, I was really needing to see some wood lopped. Bad.

But people kept asking him questions that had nothing to do with pruning. And he answered them. "So I have a 3 year old tree that was planted too deep. What can I do?" My answer,"Prune it!"

He finally walked over to the persimmon. Made a couple cuts and started using words like "Terminal cut" "headed" "lateral cut." Without giving a definition of those terms. Huh?

He didn't prune the whole tree. My hopes for seeing it pruned from beginning to end were dashed. We headed off to the grove where he said there were peaches and plum trees. Yeah! I have those, too. OK, maybe I'll learn more there.....

So, another hour in the orchard looking at a couple of trees. A couple more cuts. Someone did actually say "Could you show me how you would prune this tree?" Others nodded, yes, yes, please show us some pruning.

Well, a few more cuts. More talking. Not so much about pruning. The big hand and the little hand were both reaching for the sky right now. We cut our losses (ha!) and left. Shaking our heads.

Off to home where we had a few minutes to change clothes, eat lunch, and head off to a children's event at the Wells Fargo Center for the Arts.

For another two hours of wasted time. Even DD was bored. I'll save that review for next time. Let's just say DG (Darling Grandma) got rooked out of $75 that could have been spent on a couple of nice bottles of champagne. Or two cases of Cooks.

Don't ever go see anything by the Imago players "mime" group.

The trees? I bought me a fancy schmancy pole pruner thingy at Home Depot. (Oh don't even get me started about trying to find gardening gloves at Home Depot. Aisle 30 my arse! Aisle 30 is at THE OTHER END OF A MILE LONG STORE from the the garden department.) I'm just gonna go make a bunch of terminal cuts, lateral cuts and head cuts and see what happens next summer.

If I've killed the trees then I can just cut them all down and plant a bunch of bare root trees, right?

'Cause I know how to do that!