Why, Robin, why?
The collective grieving is apparent..and we now have Facebook and Twitter and whatever to express our feelings in a huge way. Somehow it helps.
Robin, are you watching? Do you see, hear, feel the outpouring? It's so for many reasons...you were too young, you were healthy, we thought you were handling the "inner demons" everyone is talking about since you were so open lately about "going back to rehab" for whatever reason.
It wasn't an overdose. It wasn't an accident. It was just so deliberate.
All the love in the world didn't stop you. And, you know, all the world loved you. Because you were a good guy. A nice guy. A guy who could make us laugh until it hurt. A guy who helped people who hurt, even when not "on," your heart was "on."
Was it hurting you all along? Was that capacity to feel so much what also gave you your genius? (Along with that brain that moved at a 1000 mph.) Love/hate, sorrow/joy, happiness/depression. Two sides to every coin and those sides are millimeters apart.
Part of me thinks it's my fault. It's really silly, I know. Not my fault, really, but somehow I could have stopped you. No, I didn't know you...never even met you, never saw you on a sidewalk even though I lived in the next county. Part of me thinks...if I could have knocked on your door that morning, and asked you to go for a walk, this could have been prevented.
I know it's not that simple, but if I had a magic wand, I'd turn back the clock and sure as hell be on your doorstep and giving it a try.
If only you could have had your own personal "It's a Wonderful Life" happen to you, so you could see what the world would have been like without you, or to see the outpouring of grief and love at the news of your passing, maybe you could have seen and understood your true value and you would have made a different choice.
We don't have royalty in this country, but we do recognize greatness. Robin, you were a King of Comedy and a prince to us regular folks. It hurts that you are gone. It hurts to know we will miss out on what else we might have seen from you. It hurts to know that your family is hurting and will miss just you. You. You, the guy they loved. Dad, husband, son. No matter your accomplishments, you will be missed and the grief will continue.
We'll spend the next year watching you in films that you left for us. A bittersweet, extended good-bye note that will leave us crying and laughing like we never have before.
I just wish that if you'd wanted to be a poster boy for depression, that you would have found a different way to do it. Robin, whatever regrets you had in life, this is the biggest mistake you made. We all regret it.
But maybe that was part of it...too much pressure to "do the right thing." I don't know. None of us will know, I guess, none of us will know.
